The term is thrown around quite loosely. "Groupie" You know, the sassy chick at the show hanging all over the mediocre bassist, Hanes-her-Way nylons pulling together her postured mirage of bare-legged brilliance. You resent her a little as you sit along the back wall in your classy corduroy slacks and modest, but tight, v-neck shirt. You ask yourself, "When will these back-stage stallions get a hold of that golden egg of fame that will make all of those impromptu gyno visits worthwhile in the end?" You resignedly think, "I can rely on my superior health to get me through my young twenties." Chin up, nose down. It's the name of the game.
Now don't be hasty, dear reader, for I am not about to litter your screen with anti-groupie propaganda. I am, in fact, here to shed some light on the fine art of reeling in those musically inclined honeys without irritating the Christian volcano of remorse. Perhaps the lava will stir, but I can confidently vow that the casualties will not reach that of
Step 1: Research.
Like any worthwhile project, this requires a little bit of work. No pain, no gain. You must peruse the web or newspaper for upcoming shows featuring the artists of your choosing. Now, just showing up to these events will barely get you past the doors with a balance of -20 dollars. You have to make contact whilst remaining classy. Send an e-mail to the band asking a boring and schedule related question, such as "hey guys, I noticed that your band will be touring through
Step 2: Where the perks start perking.
Now that you know where and when the festivities are taking place, you need to start thinking about the how’s. Your previous message, being concise, sharp and witty surely garnered a response from, at the very least, the drummer. Now, you must utilize some networking skills to get yourself onto the guest list. Usually, it is a wise idea to simply ask if they have extra spots, but if it is a well-known, or local band you may run into a problem. It is at this point where you must pull a Pamela Des Barres and steal their hearts. Unfortunately, we live in a technologically advanced and impersonal age, so there will be no pre-show meeting in which to work your magic.
Step 3: Forfeit all dignity.
Well, do you want to meet the band or not? No one will mention this at the after-party or future shows, it’s just something you have to do: be their Myspace pen pal. I know, this will strip you of all of your “I’m too cool for the interweb” pretensions, but it is undeniably à la mode. Now go young grasshoppers. Exert your zeal on the musical population and bring us back a winner.
8 comments:
Perhaps I'm thick, but I'm wondering if you yourself have been a groupie at any point, and would be interested if you posted some experiences about it, if they weren't too embarassing or anything.
Well, I would certainly not term myself a groupie....but I do get into a lot of free shows. And for the purpose of showcasing my dignity, I might add that I do so without exposing myself to a circus of vd's.
2007: Year to reclaim the term 'groupie?' Yes, no.
We're not groupies, we're band-aids.
Well, I don't know how helpful this advice would be for me, but I certainly loved reading it. I know a lot of people who love to go to shows - both in and out of the area - and perhaps they might benefit from the whole "set 'em up, knock 'em down" strategy of getting in for free or getting to meet the band.
Very cool writing - I echo the previous comment in wanting to read some war stories from your experiences, Traci!
aww.. I can totally relate to this. I used to be a "show girl"-- I don't know what they're called now... "scensters" maybe?
We'd probably scowl at the groupies, and they'd probably scowl at us, too (I even had one stalk me online and say, "Yeah you seem cool, but you should leave your 'Fitch Bitch' friends at home"). uhh...
anyway, what kind of music do you listen to? have you ever been to The Mercy House? There was actually a show there a week or two ago that I was interested in, but then I remembered that I don't go to shows anymore because we're all old and my college friends aren't really into them.
maybe we can exchange free show/anti-groupie stories. :)
I confess im guilty of being a backstage "groupie" since i wasn't even really into the bands music but took advantage anyway. Recently, long story short I played the role of "William Miller" when i had complete vip access with all those dudes on the All American Reject tour and hung out with the bands(Ima Robot, etc.) all day doing random crazy stuff. In the trailer i witnessed all the "groupies" first hand. uh..ya..good times.
Wow, this groupie thing seems to have really resonated with the class. I myself have had some bandaid days. When I was in college, I dated a guy in a ska band. This meant, cliched as it was, that I regularly hung out with about 10 guys who played concerts for audiences of 5. So sad.
Anyway, the band started to do really well and put out a few records, developed a strong local following, and eventually did the Warped Tour for about three summers. This is the part where being the band girlfriend tends to really blow. I mostly just moved heavy boxes and sold CDs and t-shirts while watching my guys flirt with 14 year old girls "for the good of the band, sweetie." Boo.
To this day I tend to stay away from musicians because there are two things I can always count on: I'm buying my own dinner (and probably his) and will be stuck hauling amps after the relationship moves passed the 3-week honeymoon.
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